Some time last year I was looking at my website and due to a slip of the mouse clicked on one of my AdSense ads. Ha ha ha! Just kidding Google! Since Google so tightly owns my balls my crack sweats at the thought even the slightest squeeze. I don’t make a fortune from AdSense, but it’s enough that I’d miss it. Similar to how youI miss my sweet skirt steak. I wrote Google a really nice letter saying hey, my bad and could you not charge the advertiser for that click ’cause it was totally accidental. Rather than a nice oh-no-problem, they send back this letter that was unnecessarily you-should-never-do-that just almost as a reminder how very firm and cupped their hands are on my sack. It’s like dood I’m sure this shit happens all the time. People go to their own websites and mistakes fucking happen so chill.

Yo, so it neva hurtz ta putt a f3w mispellings

AdSense, dSense, ASense, Adense, AdSnse, AdSese, AdSene, AdSens, dASense, ASdense, AdeSnse, AdSnese, AdSesne, AdSenes, qdSense, wdSense, sdSense, zdSense, AeSense, ArSense, AfSense, AcSense, AxSense, AsSense, Adwense, Adeense, Addense, Adxense, Adzense, Adaense, AdSrnse, AdSdnse, AdSsnse, AdSwnse, AdS3nse, AdS4nse, AdSebse, AdSehse, AdSejse, AdSemse, AdSenwe, AdSenee, AdSende, AdSenxe, AdSenze, AdSenae, AdSensr, AdSensd, AdSenss, AdSensw, AdSens3, AdSens4, AAdSense, AddSense, AdSSense, AdSeense, AdSennse, AdSensse, AdSensee,

This as got to be fraud as sure as you secretly enjoy it when your mother bathes you. Why don’t more people do obvious click-fraud on other people’s AdSense? Like, how could they defend themselves against it? What could they say? “Google… I did not click-click-click on my own ads! 4 realz, dogg!”

But get this. You can do even better. If the source of a page with AdSense is viewed, find where it sez “google_ad_client”. Steal that ID and make your own spammy site with their AdSense. Again, what could a person do? “I promise you… Google… listen to me… I did not make that spam farm.”

Mmmmm. Spam farm.

The more I think about it the more I am gay for cost-per-action. Of course, if I haven’t said it before, I’ll probably say it again: Some site’s it’s not so easy to measure action. Still, it would pretty much cut the balls right off of click-fraud.

New blog on tha block. PimpMyPageRank. It ain’t tryin’ ta front. Tha PlayaAdmin fo GOMB be seein’ a link to that GOMB cribb from PMPR so we be checkin’ it. Get this: it’s legittt. 4 realz, dogg. We rekomend tha U B puttin’ they RSS all up in yo reada wit a quickness!

Plus yo we be diggin’ this artikle on how AdSens be suckin’ design-wise. Like, U B droppin’ crazy benjaminz tryin 2 git yo site all blinged out then Google come on ‘n take a shit right on it. But yo, crzy mo proppz to PMPR fo makin’ they AdSense lookin’ all intigratid ‘n shit.

It’s like this. I exist in the third millennium. If a person fulfills that requirement then Google most likely owns part, if not all, of that persons balls. If Google wanted to put the squeeze on a person, they could cut them off from their AdSense account, or AdWords, or (God forbid) their Gmail account. If Google suddenly hated Brazil they would just have to shut down Orkut and that country would fall to its knees. Google offers a lot of services which are convenient, but the ones that really put the pressure on the ol’ egg basket are the ones that you the user have to invest in. Like AdSense. I am now invested in that. I make room in my budget for a certain amount of income from AdSense. If that is cut off, it’s like I’m fired. If Google wanted me to be making no Benjamins at all they not only would remove me from their index but from AdWords as well. Bah! I fear you Google, yet I lovingly place my balls in your massive hands.

“La di da! Jus makin’ my web site; makin mah website. Hey! Google just gave me somefin’ ta monitor my stats! R0xorz b411z 0u+! Hmmmm… i wonder if I could make more money today if i click on my own ads…”

pwned!!!!1!!11!!

I don’t trust that Google released Analytics just so that people will think Google doesn’t queef. Oh, they get something out of it, believe you me moo-cha-cho. When you use AdSense or Analytics Google gets piles of steaming data. Google engineers have even devloped an algorithm that lets them more effeciently beat off to said data. Google knows more about the people that visit your site than you do. Not only that, but Google can now track people across web sites to get their full surphing prophile. What Google will cop to is that all of this wafting, ripe data will be used to better serve ads. It’ll also show suspicious surfing activity like crazy click-click-clicking on ads and then ban certain IPs.

Either way you slice it, I’m putting some clothes on.

Why doesn’t Google just fucking say, “pay us whatever you feel like.  We trust you.”  Are they really that cocky about their squeeze-hold on advertisers’ pair?  These cost-per-action things measure action and ACTION goes down on the intarwub by page-views.  Like if someone like your mom goes and buys a dildo on dildomonster.net then when the order is complete it shootes the proud new dildo owner to a page saying something like “thanks for your purchase, your vajeen is sure to love this” and on that page is some sort of hidden Google script which is all ah-ha a sale!  But how fucking cinche would it be to make it so that purchasers go to the gay-for-google page only half of the time and the other half to some thankyou page that doesn’t have the code?  Pretty fuckin’ cinche.

Read the fucking Click Monkeys!! page.  They claim to use actual fucking monkeys!  But they like give these monkeys smoke-breaks and conjugal visits and choice bananas so how for real bad is the situation?  Should we be sad for these monkeys that they have to live in some barge off of San Francisco or good relieved that they finally got off their red, swollen asses and got some fucking jobs?  Or is “monkey” really Click Monkeys!! codename for “homosexual”.  The only thing more gay than a boat full of 20,000 homosexuals off of the coast of San Francisco is using two exclamation points in your name.

Google is gay for their advertisers and they think that you clickclickclicking on your own frickin’ AdSense is bad — “its evil.” Is it evil to want to pay your mom for that blowjob? Thing is, don’t even think about the masturbatory clicks if you own a Gmail account becasue its like beating off in front of a high-powered fan. If you go to someone else’s computer like in a library 0r adult bookstore or something and click away, you had better not ever use that computer for anything along the lines of checking your email. Google will put two and two together. Same with people to whom you send emails. Google can track the IP addresses of you and all of your friends with Gmail. They can sniff out which IPs are friendly to you and therefore which ones would be suspicious if they generated AdSense revenue.