After tumultuous litigation and countless Metallica downloads Kazaa has agreed to become a legal download service and pay $100,000,000 to the slighted and very patient record industry.

“Holy living shit,” exclaimed Skype, a voice-over-IP company founded by the owners of Kazaa. “Our heads are next on the chopping block, man!”

“Oh Jesus, son of Mary, wife of Joseph,” added Skype, wiping soppy throw-up from its quivering chin.

The record industry has announced it plans to fairly distribute the awarded money to its artists. “These artists worked hard to get where they are. They put a lot of time to write their music, tour and build their image. This money… it is not ours. It is theirs, and we are going to see to it that it safely finds its way to their pockets,” said General Music Executive in between stifled giggles.